The Somber Sanitarium
by noodles
Summary: Book the Four-Point-Fifth. If you like reading about pleasant things, happy people, or charming places, I suggest you avoid this story and read something in a different category.


"The Somber Sanitarium"

Chapter 1 

            You have probably heard the saying "Every cloud has a silver lining".  When people say "Every cloud has a silver lining," they do not generally mean that the fluffy shapes overhead that are made up of evaporated water are lined with a valuable metal that is used to make jewelry, coins, tea sets, and picture frames in which you can place a photograph of your lost love who tragically perished before you had the chance to prove to her that you did not mean what you said about her favorite biscuit recipe.  No, what people who say things like "Every cloud has a silver lining" generally mean is that when something bad happens, some part of that bad thing is really a good thing.  For example, if you are a fisherman who has not caught anything in your net all day, the cloud is that you will not make any money by selling your fish and you will probably starve, but the silver lining is that you do not have to cut open and scale any smelly, slimy fish.  If you are a child whose birthday party has been destroyed by a tornado, the cloud is that your friends and family and all of your presents have been blown away to the ends of the earth, but the silver lining is that you do not have to hear your scary Aunt Cecelia sing "The Birthday Song" to you very loud and off-key.  And if you are an author who has been imprisoned in the highest tower of a castle in the middle of a poisonous swamp, the cloud is that unless your connection in the scullery can provide you with a felt-tipped pen, a bottle of quick-drying rubber cement, and a feather from a scissor-tailed flycatcher quickly, you will be killed as soon as the sun rises, but the silver lining is that you are temporarily out of sight of the mob who would like to do more than just kill you.  However, in the case of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire, you would probably have a hard time finding any silver lining to the cloud of their situation.  

            The cloud in question was directly overhead, and stretched out in all directions as far as the three children could see.  It blocked the sun, and made everything in the landscape look grey and dull.  The sky looked grey, the short and straggly bushes looked grey, the grass looked grey, and the large and imposing building in front of them looked grey.  It was this building that currently occupied the attention of the Baudelaire siblings as they stood with Mr. Poe outside the grey iron gate in the grey iron fence that surrounded the large grey building.  

            "This is the Morse Sanitarium, home of Edna and Stanley Morse, who have agreed to take care of you until a place at a boarding school opens up for the three of you.  Edna is the sister of the niece of the second-cousin of your father's ex-roommate, so she's practically family to you, and I expect you to treat her with respect and not to worry her with stories about Count Olaf and his band of accomplices.  There is no way that those people could find you here, and Edna and Stanley are very busy, very important people, and don't have time to worry about your imaginings."  Mr. Poe said all of this, but it took him much longer to say it than it took you to read it, because he had to stop after every few words in order to cough into his white handkerchief.   

            Violet looked up at the grey building and sighed, saying "I'm sure that the Morses will be very good guardians for us," but what she was thinking was more along the lines of, "I hope that the Morses are kinder to us than the owner of the Lucky Smells Lumbermill in Paltryville."

            Klaus looked up at the grey sky and said "I'm sure that the Morse Sanitarium will be a very comfortable place to live," but he was thinking, "I hope that the Morse Sanitarium is warmer than Aunt Josephine's drafty house and that we are given better food than cold cucumber soup or chewing gum."

            Sunny looked at the clumps of grey grass scattered across the yard and said "Snigfelt," which meant something along the lines of, "I hope that Count Olaf really can't find us here, because it would be terribly unpleasant to encounter him or any of his acquaintances again."  Mr. Poe did not understand her, and so assumed that she meant, "I am heartily looking forward to meeting my new guardians."  

            "Very good, Sunny!" he said, coughing.  "You three just go on through the gate; I must return to the bank right away.  There are some very important meetings about silver coins this afternoon and I can't miss any of them.  I'm sure that you will be very happy here.  The Morses do not have a telephone- something about ringing telephones being bad for mental health- so if you need to contact me for any reason, you'll have to send a letter. Goodbye."  And with that, after one more coughing fit, Mr. Poe was gone, leaving the three Baudelaires alone to approach their new home.  

"Well," said Violet, "I guess we'd better go in.  We can't stand here forever."

"I wish we could," said Klaus, "I can't help thinking that if we do go in, it will only be a matter of time before Olaf finds us again, like he did at our last few places of residence."

"Ragamutt!" said Sunny, which meant "But if we don't go in, Olaf could find us just by walking down the street!"

Violet and Klaus smiled.  "Good point, Sunny," said Violet.  "I guess we have to go in."  She led the way through the grey gate, and together the three siblings walked up the grey walkway and rapped on the grey front door of the Sanitarium.

_Disclaimer:  A Serious of Unfortunate Events and the characters contained therein are not mine.  I do this for amusement, not for profit._


End file.
